Inside Jokes

                             
           ESL Group Story Writing Class January 30, 2011
                       
I was looking for a job; I was really desperate. An ad on the internet said: “Tour the world and make people happy.” I called and set up an interview.  They told me the job was in the produce department of a new, big supermarket in China.

On the airplane from Chicago, my city, to Fuxin, a man with a black suit, black sunglasses, and a black hat sat beside me and told me he was from the C.I.A. and he had a deal for me.

I was curious about the "deal." But the thing is that there was no deal. The man in the black suit had a gun with him!

I was concerned about the deal. Then I was fearful.I didn't know why the C.I.A. would need my help, because in China, there is no such secret agency.

And I was very afraid about the gun, because people were forbidden to use guns here.  But a gun was pointed at me.

I didn't have a chance and couldn’t do anything, I thought.  I asked him what he meant, and he said, “Help me search for a discount shopping group that is buying things in China.


I had a terrible fear of flying but now, also I had a cold gun pointed at my back.  The old lady who was sitting near me saw the man and his gun, and she started to shout: "Help, help, there's a hijacker here!"


At that moment, I remembered the movie that I had seen a few years ago, and I thought I must help the lady even if it resulted in my death.

Before I could do anything, the man with the gun, stood up and flashed a badge, saying "I am an air marshal, please calm down. We are engaging in a drill to make sure this airplane is safe."

The man in black sitting beside me smiled enigmatically until we got off the plane.  But then he disappeared right after.

I started my job, and it was great. I was making a lot of money and eating a lot of vegetables.  One night when I was going home, I took a shortcut through the woods. The man in black was waiting there.

And the strangest thing was that right next to him were two of my ex-girlfriends!  And they seemed to have a devilish look in their eyes.

He gazed at the two women and suddenly, they started dancing a sexy dance.  This confused him.  He grabbed a drink and joined the dance.

But in my mind, I didn't know what was happening. I thought "Maybe this is just a joke, but why? What can I do?" Then I thought that it would be better if I just waited a while longer.

So I did it. That man finally opened his mouth and told me about some strange thing that was happening, like why Chinese buyers pool their money as a form of discount shopping.  He said this trend is growing faster than it is in the USA.

I was really astonished. I thought I lost my mind and started to shouted things like: “OMG, what the hell is going on here? Who are you? Tell me now what you want from me!”

Suddenly the man in black stopped dancing and replied, “Hey dude, listen carefully. I am the manager of the supermarket that you work in. We caught you on camera eating vegetables while you were selling at the same time.

“We are testing our workers who work in the produce department, because farmers use pesticides on their products.  Now please tell me how you feel?” 

 I closed my eyes for a moment and after I opened them I saw three big juicy strawberries in front of me.  OMG, I had eaten a lot of strawberries that day. That’s why I felt that way! They were using me as an experiment!

"I'm still waiting for an answer," said my manager.  "How do you feel now that you've eaten pesticide-tainted fruits and vegetables?"  I looked at him and said, "Screw you! How dare you experiment on me?"

  He gave me that enigmatic smile and said, "We didn't force you to eat the vegetables. As a matter of fact, you were stealing when you ate them.

Instead of working, you were eating the produce that you were supposed to have been selling. So answer my question or I will have you arrested for theft."

Now I could lose my job that I liked so much.  But my manager started to laugh. He said I was being videotaped, and that my face was very funny and that they would use the video for advertisement.  I will be famous!

But no such luck. I woke up suddenly. It was all a dream. I was still on the airplane on my way to China.

PARTICIPANTS:
Alianaluz Rivera (T)
ejje Xaris (CR)
Giovanni Tweak
oo Broono
Oweny Helendale
pedrovisky Resident
torisa Resident